I started 2016 off ready to make this year EPIC! I had some serious goals…backed up by vision boards, affirmation statements and an ambitious, yet manageable action plan. I was truly ready to level up in all areas of my life. I was strategizing, visualizing, meditating, implementing—doing everything I needed to do. I was ready to play in the big leagues.
But, have you ever heard the saying…putting the cart before the horse?? I guess that’s what I did, because God had other plans. While I was pressing play, God was pressing pause.
You see, it seemed that every plan I had, no matter how meticulously I strategized, didn’t quite come to fruition the way I visualized. There were roadblocks constantly coming at me from every direction. But, being the eternal optimist that I am, I stayed focused. My tunnel vision kicked in. I saw my failures as opportunities and kept moving forward.
As issues continued to arise, I kept digging deep—trying my best to figure it out. I was determined to get my breakthrough. I posed question and after question as I searched for answers. Perhaps I wasn’t doing enough? Or maybe I needed to invest more? Money? Time? Energy? Perhaps it was my website? Change this? Change that?
But no matter what I tweaked, same results—nothing! I kept hitting brick walls. It seemed that every time I took two steps forward, I’d take three back.
I began to get discouraged, frustrated, desperate and confused. I was second-guessing myself in everything that I did.
Am I living right? Should I continue in this business? Am I being selfish? Maybe this isn’t for me?
I also began playing the blame game. I convinced myself that my husband wasn’t being supportive enough. My kids were unappreciative and too demanding of my time. My business coach wasn’t giving me the right direction. If I wasn’t the problem it had to be somebody, right?
I was on the verge of tears many days. But, tears? Who had time for that? I had things to accomplish.
The more I pressed forward, the more things unraveled in my life. My money was disappearing, despite having a career that rewarded me with a great salary. My husband and I were constantly at odds, regardless of what I did to bring peace. I got sick back to back with colds, even though I took pride in being someone who was always healthy. My son’s grades were slipping a bit, but I convinced myself that he just needed to be more self-sufficient. I gained about 15 pounds, despite being a health/fitness and lifestyle Guru.
Everything was off.
I felt like giving up. And I did…kinda.
I shut down. I started sleeping in every morning. I was reading books—for fun. I pulled back and only worked enough to support my clients. I took some major woo-sah time.
During that period of time, a couple of key things happened. I began reading this book called “The Universe Has My Back”, while also enrolling in a program with Torrie Pattillo called “The Conscious Business Blueprint.” In that process, I was forced to focus upon me.
I began spending time in deep meditation each morning, coupled with journaling and in prayer. And that’s when I realized what was happening! I was pushing play when God had placed me on pause.
I discovered that in order for me to continue my journey, I had to take pause and lean into what God was trying to reveal to me. Before I could catapult forward in my business, I had to first go through a pruning process. There was still more work within me that needed to be done. However, I was so busy pressing play on my personal agenda that I couldn’t see what was being unveiled before me. So, I obliged and did the work. (as if I had any option, right?)
And this wasn’t easy for me. I’ve always been tough. No time to dwell on “stuff.” No time to get emotional. I have people, places, and things to do. But, this time, I realized that I had to buckle down and focus…on me.
Pause. Pray. And then proceed to push play.
In order for God to increase my territory (which was a part of my constant prayer), I had to open up and do the work that He was calling me to do.
It’s funny because God has a great sense of humor. You’ve heard the saying right– “if you want to see God laugh, tell him your plans.” I guess I was telling Him instead of petitioning Him. But, because He loves me so dearly, He refused to let me move forward until I was ready—spiritually, emotionally, and physically.
Now, I’ve done the work and continue to do more daily. It’s been powerfully cathartic: healing hurt that I didn’t know still existed; softening me where I had become hardened; reminding me of what I’d forgotten-who I am at the core; discovering the power that really dwells within me; realigning with the person that I was designed to be–from the beginning—His beginning…for me.
Now I feel fully connected to the plan that has always been laid out for my life.
Pause. Pray. And now, I can finally push play.
Are there areas in your life where you are trying to move forward but things just aren’t seeming to align? Are you struggling in spite of your very best efforts? Perhaps you too are trying to press play, where God has pressed pause.
Pause. Pray….and later, you will be able to push play.